Divorce
Pastor Bill Nichols - February 7, 2010Introduction
Last month Becky and I, Doug and Cathy and our friends Vance and Gloria went to Big Cedar Lodge to a marriage retreat put on by Operation US. We went primarily for the opportunity to get away for a couple days together and to enjoy Big Cedar Lodge. Yakov Smirnoff was the keynote speaker on Friday evening and he video recorded his presentation and is supposed to send us each a dvd of the session. If he does, we will show it at the church.
One of the statistics we heard was one that I have known for some time, that 50% of all new marriages end in divorce. In the military that percentage is 80%.
We live in a society today that does not value marriage like the generation that our parents came from. It was not uncommon for the WWII generation to celebrate 50 or more years of marriage. I knew a couple in Walnut Grove who celebrated 70 years, and I saw on television this past week a couple who were celebrating 80 years of marriage together.
Divorce has been around for a very long time. I cannot pinpoint when the very first divorce happened, but we see in the Scriptures that provisions were made to protect a woman's rights should her husband decide he did not want her as a wife anymore. Deuteronomy 24:1-4. It is this passage of Scripture that is in question as Jesus teaches the crowds and the religious leaders who had gathered to hear Him on the mountain.
Matthew 5:31-32 (NIV)
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
I. The Problem
In order to fully understand Jesus words here you have to understand the issue that Jesus was attacking. As we have already seen, the religious leaders were convinced that their self-righteousness made them right with God. They followed the letter of the law while violating its intent. They had not murdered, but they had hatred in their hearts. They had not committed adultery, but they had roaming eyes. So now Jesus touches on another related topic, divorce. It was their position, based on Rabbinic tradition, that a man could divorce his wife for any reason. (Matthew 19:3) Jesus challenged their position and even the intent of the law that Moses gave them in Deuteronomy 24. Lets take a moment first to examine Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NIV):
"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance."
There are five things that I want you to notice about this passage.
- No where in this passage is there a command from God for a man to divorce his wife. It is just assumed that it is going to happen.
- No place in this passage does it indicate that the woman had committed adultery. The penalty for adultery was not divorce it was death by stoning. The word indecent simply means that she became displeasing to her husband.
- The divorce certificate was to insure the protection of the woman's right to re-marry. So it is assumed that those who divorced would eventually get remarried.
- The woman was considered defiled due to the second marriage. In the New Testament, Jesus contends that the first husband is responsible for making his wife become an adulterous by her subsequent marriage.
- If the woman is divorced again or her second husband dies, the first husband cannot marry her again.
As we mentioned last week, God's plan for marriage was that two people should become one flesh. Jesus commenting on the Genesis 2 passage states,
"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."(Genesis 2:6)
The Pharisees were teaching that a man could divorce his wife for any reason and by doing so they were causing the breaking of the one flesh relationship that God intended for all marriages, and they were causing those who remarried to commit adultery in God's eyes. And it is likely that they did this to justify their own divorce and remarriage. In Matthew 19 Jesus tells them that by divorcing their wives, except for marital unfaithfulness, if they remarry, then they commit adultery. Once again, this is an attack on their self righteousness, which is the main intent of this sermon on the mount.
II. All Sin is a Result of the Fall
Before we go any further I want to mention something that I think is very important. When God instituted marriage and the one flesh intention for marriage, man had not yet sinned. Man and woman, and all of creation was perfect. And in a perfect world having a perfect marriage was possible. But after Adam sinned, all of creation was affected, including the institution of marriage. Human beings are sinners and our sin affects not only our relationship with God, but with each other. Divorce is just one effect of sin coming into the world.
If we look once again to Jesus words in Matthew 19:8 we find that God intended marriage to be a lifelong monogamous relationship.
"Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."It is as though Jesus is saying, God never intended for there to be divorce, but because your hardened hearts were kicking your wives out anyway, Moses permitted divorce as a legal protection for women who had no other rights.
And then Jesus gives the one and only accepted grounds for divorce, and that is adultery.
"Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Two things that are important about this verse. First, the law permitted divorce, even though it was not God's intention. Second, Jesus makes one exception that makes divorce permissible in God's eyes, marital unfaithfulness. The bottom line concerning divorce, no matter what passage of Scripture you are dealing with in the New Testament is this; divorce for any other reason than marital unfaithfulness by one of the partners is sin. But even if adultery is involved, God does not require that the two people get a divorce. If they can work it out and forgive one another and regain their trust and love, then that should be the first option. But if they cannot do that, then according to Jesus words, such a divorce would not be a sin.
Conclusion
Statistically speaking, about one half of our congregation has experienced a divorce for one reason or another. Speaking as a pastor, there was a time when I was totally against divorce for any reason. Even if there was adultery involved, I counseled couples to get professional help and do everything they could to work things out. To some degree I still feel that way. But I have softened in my stance concerning divorce, especially if there is any type of abusive behavior involved. I have a very difficult time understanding how a husband can "love his wife, even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her" if he is physically or emotionally abusing his wife. That's just not something a Christian husband can do.
And while I believe that God's intention for marriage is a one flesh relationship for life, I recognize that divorce is going to happen. So let me conclude by saying this.
If you are someone who has gone through a divorce in your life, no matter what the circumstances, recognize that in God's eyes, divorce is sin. If you have not already done so, confess that sin to God and find forgiveness and peace in your life. Our God is a God of love and grace and He forgives us no matter what we have done when we confess our sin to Him.
Second, if you are struggling in your marriage and are considering divorce, recognize that with God's help that two people who are truly willing to work on their relationship, can find healing and rekindle the loving relationship that led to the union of two lives as one, especially if they are willing to let God have control of their individual selves and their marriage.
And finally, if you are someone who has been divorced and are now remarried, work to make this second marriage the kind of marriage that God meant marriage to be, loving, mutually submissive relationship that glorifies Him.